We'd just sung Happy Birthday to my younger daughter when I got a call from my brother to come up to Lincoln as soon as I could. I assumed it was my dad, as he had a stroke a few years ago and hasn't been in the best of health, but instead it turned out my mum had stopped breathing and been taken to the ICU.
She died two days later - too much oxygen starvation, and her body never recovered. So it's been a tough month really: I've been back and forth to Lincoln to help make arrangements for mum, and also to help my brother look after dad, and think about what he's going to do next - we can't look after him in his home, so we've been looking at long term care (I'll do another post later on the intricacies of funding). We're going to visit a home he likes tomorrow, so hopefully that will be sorted fairly soon.
Mum's funeral was yesterday - the crematorium was extremely busy in early January - partly because they close over Christmas, and partly I guess the bad weather increased the number of people dying. It was very well attended by folks from all periods of mum's life - old friends, people from Sudbrooke, people from her old workplace, and friends from the last period of her life looking after dad since his stroke. Several people commented that the service was very good. The celebrant's name was Andrew Key - I would happily recommend him to anyone that wants a civil ceremony. he collection raised over 340 pounds for Arthritis Research and Sue Ryder Care. My brother read a poem - Ducks by Frank W Harvey, which I think mum would have liked.
When God had finished the stars and whirl of coloured suns
He turned His mind from big things to fashion little ones;
Beautiful tiny things (like daisies) He made, and then
He made the comical ones in case the minds of men
Should stiffen and become
Dull, humourless and glum,
And so forgetful of their Maker be
As to take even themselves - quite seriously.
Caterpillars and cats are lively and excellent puns:
All God's jokes are good - even the practical ones!
And as for the duck, 1 think God must have smiled a bit
Seeing those bright eyes blink on the day He fashioned it.
And he's probably laughing still at the sound that came out of its bill!
I'm not sure how I feel really. Sad of course, but not particularly upset. I said goodbye at the hospital, and that was quite gut-wrenching, but perhaps it was all I really needed. It's not that we weren't close, but I feel we both understood each other as adults since I had a family of my own: she gave us her love and approval, and we offered her ours in return. I know she loved H, and H said she was the best mother in law one could hope for. She loved L and E, and was always showing people their photos. I'm glad she got to meet them, even if it was for a fairly short part of their lives.
Goodbye, Mum.
Tuesday 26 January 2010
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